Think I figured out how my co-ed school experience in childhood, helped later!

On International Women’s Day this year (March 8), I came across a YouTube video where media personnel were asking random men on the streets of New Delhi (India) about what they know on menstruation. Most replies were absurd guesses like describing menstruation as a phenomenon that gets rid of “dirt and warmth from the female body”. A few men even scorned at the reporters declaring “Humans have shame, but animals don’t. So please don’t ask these type of questions”. Their self-righteous vibes made my insides squirm. But I also realized how indebted I should be towards my childhood co-educational schooling experience, which will thankfully never land me in such a mess.

Before elaborating on my story, let me share what I found out while chatting with a group on this topic. One person in their late 20s, had no idea why menstruation happens. What is the basis of how they are born, was addressed as something “unclean”. Equipped with advanced degrees in engineering but still ignorant of this natural, life-creating process? What is going wrong here?

There isn’t one right answer to this question. Different awareness procedures work for different people. For me, studying in a densely populated co-educational institution in Kolkata (India), helped. As our second home, the institute did not teach us to use gender as a categorizing parameter, but instead trained us to treat all our classmates as friends. And with friends, you are bound to stumble onto unexpected incidents. One incident comes to mind in this context.

Once in my teenage years, during lunch break at school, a female friend requested me to stand in front of her school bag so that a direct view into her bag’s contents gets obstructed. I was surprised at this strange request, but cluelessly obeyed. At that time, I did not realize that she was taking out sanitary pads from her bag, wrapping it in another paper and leaving for the restroom. When asked later, she vaguely summarized the reason behind her request. But a curious teenager is rarely satisfied with such a lukewarm response.

Those were not the days of smartphones, where information would be available instantaneously. However, a few inquisitive questions here and there, followed by approaching the right person with candor, made me aware of the biological mechanism behind menstruation (involving ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, and the relevant hormones) and its significance.

Why is this knowledge important? Because this will happen every month to your near and dear ones. A basic understanding of the process and the frequent problems (e.g., cramps, fatigue, back pain etc.) it may pose, can go a long way in extending support and relief to the women in your life such as, but not limited to, your partner, family members and colleagues.

Do you need to be a treasure-trove of knowledge related to menstruation? No, because in case of complications, we have doctors. Just mentally normalizing the process is enough. For me, that started with the question that if it can happen to a good friend, why is there a stigma attached to it in Indian society? Critically questioning the age-old customs and selectively defying them, are part of the growing up process. You will be surprised to find that such practices can later prove to be much more valuable than your framed degree certificates.

If my female friend did not request me to guard her bag, would I have known about menstruation at that time? I don’t think so. That being the case, I shudder to even think of being in the same category as those naive men in the YouTube video. Many such anecdotes over a decade in school molded my gullible adolescent mind in a positive manner and helped in acquiring some useful life skills, such as challenging gender-defying norms. Soaking up these values compels you to selflessly want everyone around to thrive. Internally, this implies that you are trying to be kind and compassionate. Those traits, gained from a gender-salient environment, work wonders everywhere and prepares you well for the real world.

For example, maybe you are managing a person, who is struggling to cope. Just your kind words “Well Done” for the smallest of their achievements might have a long-term positive effect on their performance, which can consequently boost your team productivity. You may have a colleague who is an asylum seeker and feels out of place in their present location. Your goodness will inwardly guide you to inadvertently offer a hand of support, instead of asking them redundant questions. Because you understand that they have a million things to worry about, in addition to workplace deadlines. The caring nature you develop, might also help you acknowledge the multiple inequality issues that people around the world, who now identify themselves by over 70 different genders (transgender, agender, non-binary, pangender etc.), face. Your righteous actions can inspire the people around you, and everyone’s collective efforts can unequivocally make this world a better place.

Bettering the world starts with each one of us treating others with respect, empathy, equality, and equity. These fancy words are difficult to practice. But in a co-educational institute, you live those terms while sharing secrets and food with friends of opposite genders for over 14 years.

Personal attributes aside, it also earned me some of my best female friends. I am confident that they feel the same about me and most of their male counterparts. I say this as they are always the handful few to wish me on the much less-celebrated International Men’s Day (November 19), because I know they care.